there's something confusing about going home

I live in Pennsylvania. That’s what I would have told you a few months ago, without a moment of hesitation. Because I do live in Pennsylvania – that’s where my family is; my dog, my cat, my car, the house I grew up in and the people I grew up with. My hairdresser and my eye doctor are in Pennsylvania, along with some of my favorite restaurants and the fire pit my brother dug out in our backyard one night when he was bored.

Now, though, I’m a part-time Not Pennsylvanian, and that kind of thing gets confusing sometimes. There used to only be one address listed for Amazon home delivery. I’m still getting used to Houston’s zip code – 77055 or 77005? My parents knew my friends and my friends knew my friends, but now my parents know some friends and some friends know some other friends. If you drew a Venn diagram of my friends right now, the only overlap would be the relative few who have found each other on social media at my behest.

I love my RA’s dogs and my Masters’ cats and the massive window in front of my desk and fox pillow I got in the kid’s section at Target. I want to cook with my friends in our pajamas at 2 am without having to go more than a floor up or down, and I want to hang more lights on the white wall next to my bed; but I love my dog and my cat more than most people and from the windows at home I can see woodpeckers and snowbirds and red-tailed hawks and cardinals. I want to bake for my family in my pajamas, even if they’re already asleep, and I want to get rid of all the unnecessary stuff in my room so my favorite things are all the more special.

When I’m home, I miss college, and when I’m at college, I miss home. It’s growing up, but it’s also hurting a little, a lot.

Nothing much changed at home, but four months in college is verging on a lifetime. I looked at things with new eyes for the first time in nearly fifteen years, and the beauty that surrounded me blew me away. I took so much for granted for so long that I lost my way a while back, but the separation inherent in going to college a four-hour plane ride away gave me a lot of perspective on how lucky I’ve been, regardless of where I am.

Right now, I’m on my way south at seven hundred miles per hour. For some reason, it feels like

I'm coming home.

#college #goinghome #home